I think everyone is selfish in some way, and everyone should be to some degree. You need to take care of yourself first. If you are concerned that others see you as selfish, you need to first look at the people who are judging you in that way. Do they have an opinion that you value? If not you shouldn't worry about it. That is exactly what I'm doing right now (Don't give a single fuck).


I choose my job.
I choose my career path.
I choose my friends.
I choose my life.


I'm very much thankful that I'm blessed with a friend who totally understands the kind of circumstance I've put myself into. Thanks babe for the nice silver bracelet you gave me yesterday (: That is bonus on top of the whole time we've spent,cracking silly jokes and listening to each other's problems. I treasure them all and definitely will miss you. In return,i bought for her a wallet (I'm glad you like it!).


Moving on,i would have to attend a briefing on Monday at 3pm. Next,i think i would opt to go for my practical lesson rather than going for a hair makeover. I want to clear my last three stages in February itself (hopefully). Prolly i will book for an appointment with my hairdresser after 13th. I'm just happy that I'm starting my new job soon (YEAHHH!!!!).

Alhamdullillah. I've received my January's pay in the afternoon (: My Honeybunny came down to MBS to fetch me from work at 8.30pm and we went straight to Puma at Somerset 313 while waiting for Afiq (turned single again) to meet us there. I bought a backpack for my 3rd sister and a men's jacket with matching long pants for my Honeybunny. Well,i miss going shopping with him because usually he would be the one who is more sex-cited about buying new things. At times,he will act as my fashion advisor and start choosing nice clothes for me. Sheesh! Next,we went to PastaMania Cineleisure for dinner before we called it a day. I'm jaded already. Tomorrow will be my last day working in MBS and I'm feeling kinda sad now :(

This is great!! My homie had safely given birth to an adorable little boy (Syaqil Matin) (: I'm extremely happy for you babe!! Insyaallah,me and Zeq will pay you a visit anytime soon to greet your precious gift and your family (:

After what seems to be a long and boring week,i started to have some fun with Honeybunny,Afiq and his new girlfriend yesterday (who happens to possess the same name as me). I met them at Bugis and we proceeded to the Rex Cinema to watch a Malay nasty horror movie 'Khurafat'. That was one of our double date ideas and hopefully more to come. I got suddenly so afraid when the ghosts started jumping out at me. Honestly speaking,I'm a tremendous scaredy cat.My heart abruptly jumps out of its cavity and lies thumping heavily on the ground.Darn,movies like this really give me premature heart attacks, perpetual nightmares and a paranoia when it comes to dark silent areas! I hate it plenty much but i love the thrill and excitement horror movies provide (??). Rating wise,i would say 3.5/5. After the 1 1/2 hour show,we had a slackin' good time sitting at the parapet outside Bugis Junction and munching on Sour Cream Ruffles for a while before we headed home (: We still have not yet plan for another simple date during CNY.


Anyways,i am pretty sad though to see my Honeybunny struggling through his domestic problems right now. I wish i could do a lot more than just listening and giving him a pat on the shoulder to calm him down. (Don't you worry too much alright,it will be fine someday) I love you.


As for me,I'm in a major dilemma myself. I don't mean to leave this place abruptly but due to unforeseen circumstances,i have to. I'm sorry if it is going to hurt any parties severely knowing that it's entirely my fault. I will miss you the most,babe. Thanks for being the best colleague and friend for the past six months. We had a couple of misunderstanding issues back then but we still work together and in fact become closer each passing days. I hope we will still keep in touch okay (:


You get on a roller coaster expecting to be frightened and challenged and thrilled along the way - and you're never disappointed. At some point, you're going to wonder if getting on was a good idea, but there is no way off, so you just have to go with it and ride the ups and downs and twists and turns and lurches and bumps until you get to the end.


Life, like a roller coaster, can very often take your breath away and bring you right to the very brink.And when it does, the only thing you can is let go of your version of the outcome and trust that everything will turn out all right in the end.

Admittedly, a controlling boyfriend can make a relationship ten times more difficult to hold on to. I wish i have fairy godmothers who can make everything better in a snap.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even those who seem like the perfect couple have had to work their butts off to reach that state of bliss. I'm trying hard not to rush the process through. I shall keep things steady and slowly,but surely. Meantime,i need a cheer-up drink badly.

Cinta Kita
Teuku Wisnu feat. Shireen Sungkar

Inilah aku apa adanya
Yang ingin membuatmu bahagia
Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna
Sesempurna cintaku padamu


Ini cintaku apa adanya
Yang ingin selalu di sampingmu
Ku tahu semua tiada yg sempurna
Di bawah kolong langit ini


Jalan kita masih panjang
Ku ingin kau selalu disini
Biar cinta kita tumbuh harum mewangi
Dan dunia menjadi saksinya
Untuk apa kita membuang-buang waktu
Dengan kata kata perpisahan


Demi cinta kita aku akan menjaga
Cinta kita yg telah kita bina
Walau hari terus berganti hari lagi
Cinta kita abadi selamanya


Jalan kita masih panjang
Ku ingin kau selalu disini


Biar cinta kita tumbuh harum mewangi
Dan dunia menjadi saksinya
Untuk apa kita membuang-buang waktu
Dengan kata kata perpisahan


Demi cinta kita aku akan menjaga
Cinta kita yang telah kita bina
Walau hari terus berganti hari lagi
Cinta kita abadi selamanya

She (Megan Nicole) definitely has an exceptional talent. I really admire her beautiful voice. You go girl! (:

Yeah! I have successfully completed Stage 2 of my practical lessons today. I shall now book for DS lesson and Practical Test. I'm also thinking of enrolling for manual driving as well. I hope everything runs smoothly.

Boredom is totally the major culprit to unhappiness at work. What the heck,I'm fucking jaded! I am also busy wondering if i would be able to make a claim for my long stretch of medical leave. It sucks that I'm stuck here in this company that only offers annual leave for their confirmed staffs. ppffftt! Nevermind,soon I'll be changing to a better site. I'm going to dearly miss my colleagues (Eqa & Jac) though :(

It is terribly an absurd Monday to begin with (yesterday was just as bad). The only words lingering at the tip of my tongue right now is 'What the fuck!'. Initially,i assumed that my plans would run smoothly. Firstly,I went to send my new set of uniform to the nearest tailor (which was annoyingly expensive!) because mine needed several slight alterations. Then,i headed to ICA Building to retrieve my new passport at about 3pm. On my way there,i dropped by Yio Chu Kang MRT for a while to pass my Honeybunny his hard disks for his dance practice. I thought things were running just fine. It was only when i proceeded next to BBDC for my practical lesson,then i effing realised that i actually got my timings all mixed up. I was supposed to go for my lesson at 15:20! God,i feel like comitting third-degree homicide at that period of time. GGGRRR! It is just way too bad that i am experiencing such rotten luck :/

I'm partially depressed now. I didn't know how it exactly started; there was a sudden rise in the level of intensity and pressure in our love affair that caused a deterioration of our senses. For that split moment,i thought maybe we forgot to laugh at ourselves. We can become too focused on our problem that we lose sight of the beautiful world around us. I felt really bad at the end of it. I began to question myself: When was the last time we stared at the changing formations of the clouds? We can become so attuned to what we want to listen to that we do not realize how much there is to hear. We touch,but do we really feel? Prolly it is just me who is making big issues out of nothing. But i do wonder,why is it that you keep repeating your same old mistakes? I wish you would pause for a little while and reflect on how much you have accomplished. Seriously,what is it in your bucket? There is only one character which i could think of that describes you best: You're downright fickle-minded. Dig this,sometimes there are sacrifices along the way. Challenging yourself to make sacrifices is to the soul like exercise is to the muscles of the body,you can not get the same results by watching someone else do it. I hope you will think it over.

I decided to rot at home on a Saturday because i think i have had enough of the outside world. I want to get plenty of rest now while sitting on the most comfortable couch i have ever sat on in my life. Once you sit on it,it sucks you in like quicksand and to get up you would need some help. It may somehow sounds like I'm exaggerating but the truth is i just love wasting time at home.

It's soothing to hear that my whole anatomy is recovering and i get the pleasure of living happily again (:

Today,I'm extremely thankful for God's generosity (: He gave me the best kind of miracle that I've always been praying for. Yes,one of my wishes has already been answered (Alhamdulillah). The keyword is: to have faith in Him and yourself. Anyways,after i collected my two sets of brand new uniforms from Chinatown, me and Honeybunny made our way to Central @ Clarke Quay. We had a heavy lunch at BBQ Chicken (Taufiq's workplace). So of course,the total bill didn't really tear a huge hole in my pocket because he provided us his staff benefit (hehe). After which,we waited for Taufiq to finish his work at about 5.30pm and proceeded to Cathay Cineleisure. We watched the supernatural thriller film 'Season Of The Witch' at 7.30pm.

Thank you Brother for the treat (: We then peeked-a-boo at the new spot I'm going to shift to on 1st February before calling it a day. Tomorrow first thing in the morning,i will have to make a trip to SGH for further health check-up. Currently,I'm trying to make myself think positively and not to worry so much of the outcome. God knows better and I'm hoping that it will turn out just fine. On the other hand,my Honeybunny is going to be fully occupied with his work and dance on the later part of Friday. Make sure you have a blast okay (:

I do care and love you so much.

As much as i would like to forget this long string of unfortunate days,I can never erase it from my memory. I left the house on Saturday evening; sulking and shouldering an overwhelming load of excruciating pain in my puny head. My temperature burned up to 39.9 degrees Celsius. I could slowly feel stages of cramps that started to make lumps of pain in my legs. My thighs and buttocks went numb,then ached back to life. My eyes gradually generated some pitiful tears while i was madly shivering in my couch. It was a terrifying moment. I never stop wondering why it abruptly occurred on me. Luckily,my parents were there to come to my rescue and immediately drove me to A&E at SGH. We patiently waited for a solid 7 hours. I was told that i would be placed in the observation ward for another 8 hours to keep track on my condition. (hated this part) I've honestly wasted a quarter and a half of my youth. The next morning,i didn't get any better. It sucks. I didn't want to stay any longer but i had to. I was pushed to one ward after the other,not knowing where exactly am i supposed to be. That's just one of their bad points. To top it all off,i was not properly examined by a specific doctor and their newly enrolled nurses are unpleasantly rude. I got an effing shock when they don't even know how to handle their surgery needles professionally. They even yelled (loudly) when communicating with a few difficult patients. It seems like I've been trapped there for months. I couldn't take it anymore. Me and my dad made a huge fuss out of it and only then they tried to take things seriously with me. Up to this date,they are still not sure of what I'm suffering from. Haven't i wasted enough resources already? Ggggrrr. Now that I've been discharged because i insisted to,i feel extremely better and healthier. I still have to take their antibiotics regularly though to avoid further complications. I would have to make a trip to SGH again this fourteenth to obtain my blood test results. Hopefully,it's nothing so severe. It may have been tough on me but i never fail to look on the bright side. If it wasn't because of that unlucky state,i will never realise how much they actually care for me. They are my family themselves,my Honeybunny & his friend (Taufiq) and last but not least my future brother-in-law (maybe). I am so thankful that they are part of my life. I'm not afraid anymore. Nevertheless,i believe that God won't put me to a test that is too much for me to bear. He is always fair (:

P/S: I'm on 10 days medical leave.

I'm prolly an eccentric person therefore have a harder time fitting in. i I hate crowded places and big parties. I'm not a social butterfly and I'm really unsure of the social rules of conduct in those situations. I hate talking to people i don't know. I have this fear of doing something wrong and being judged and/or getting into trouble. So on a lighter note,i didn't enjoy the parts where we three had to squeeze through in between the tiny gaps just to move an inch further. The whole lighted city was heavily congested with drunken party-goers and the kind of people whom i never wish to bump into but i did. Ughh,it was terrible. Luckily we did something else more fun before we got stuck in that unlucky circumstance. After i finished work at 8:30pm,we went for three-rounds of bowling game until midnight. Yes,i missed the colourful fireworks but we had a small celebration ourselves over at the bowling arena. It was simple yet very memorable. Thanks Afiq for the treat (: Then,we had our supper at Lau Pau Sat after hours of struggle. Sadly,that was not our worst period of the day yet. We had to walk down the streets from City Hall-Clarke Quay-Chinatown because we couldn't get any taxi. It was so frustrating (!!) Everyone stood in the middle of the dangerous roads to flag for a cab,and we didn't want to be left stranded in the middle of nowhere either. Hence without further hesitation,we ran towards the cab that came to a halt on the second lane and hopped in. Fuhhh! It really did end tragically :\