Syukur Alhamdullilah. I feel considerably blessed now. I just received my pay and I've gingerly calculated the amount of money I've to start depositing into my savings account. Hopefully,i could clear all the leftover debts before the end of this year. I want to gain access to financial freedom and lead a luxurious lifestyle before i grow antiquated or get sick and then die.

I'm already a part of a brand new world right now because i still have not get my real sleep yet. It's already 5:33am and i feel just as fresh as yesterday. I'm now feeling awkwardly unstable. It's hard to tell. But i probably have my own reasons- weird and creepy reasons,the kind of reasons you really don't want to know,or at least hope you will be able to forget quickly if i ever happens to tell. I don't even remember what day it was,or what month even that I've been on cold shoulder with my own biological mum.i just can't forgive her for never loving me the way i needed.Fuck yes,I'm being too critical. But whenever mum struck me,it was as if she were taking her aggressions out on a rag doll. I purposely hold in my tears,refusing to cry but can't stop wondering 'why me?'. these two little words have been on the tip of my tongue for most of my life. Today is one of those times i really mean it though. With all my heart,liver,kidneys,lungs - hell,my entire anatomy! Don't get me wrong,i love my mum- hey,i would kill for her. But I'm not into blind,unconditional devotion. I hate the way she persistently tries to run my life and make me live her stupid dreams. The further i ponder upon it,the more my grief compounded. Sometimes,it is just too much to bear. Oh well, happy families are all alike,every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Hais, I'm terribly upset. The best part of it all is,I'm not totally affected by it. I have to continue doing the things I've planned to achieve. Recently,i got a perfect score for my BTE and i can't wait to clear my BTT so that i can get my hands on that steering wheel. I'm now hoping for only the best. Last but not least,I'm truly sorry Mel for not attending your daughter's birthday party. Please do extend my warm wishes to her alright.

Happy Birthday Dear Claire (:

& of course, i love you Baby.

Aye, i just signed up for FS for no bloody reason.

I'm just freaking bored being at home entire day.

Sigh!

It's honestly scary how i began to realise that the dates in calendar are closer than they appear. While I'm excited about August coming to an end,as it is going to draw me closer to my first year anniversary with SugarB/my 20th birthday,i am also a little nervous as we have no control of the next outcome. It may be unfair,but what happens in a few days,sometimes even a single day,can change the course of a whole lifetime. Of course,i want to forever live in that contented state if God allows me to. In fact,if this is even possible,i want so much more time to spend with my SugarBaby even though we meet each other almost everyday. I miss him dearly the moment we said goodbye. That is what being in love means to me. Hopefully,he could adapt into his new working environment without facing any major difficulties. "I will always wish you the best in,whatever at all". I,on the other hand,have my own goals to hit. Once I've cleared my BTE by this Friday,my shoulder of worries would feel a bit lighter -_-

"This life is what i make it. No matter what, I'm going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is i get to decide how I'm going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. & yeah, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will? So i keep my head high, keep my chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."

I'm a liar because i won't tell you everything

I'm stupid because sometimes I'm wrong

I'm ugly because my face isn't perfect

I'm a pushover because i like making people happy

I'm a loser because I'm not a friend with your group

I'm fake because I'm too nice

I'm weird because I'm not like you

I'm insecure because i care about what people think of me

I'm no fun because I'm not always hyper?

Don't try to tell me who i am

i already know.