I'm already a part of a brand new world right now because i still have not get my real sleep yet. It's already 5:33am and i feel just as fresh as yesterday. I'm now feeling awkwardly unstable. It's hard to tell. But i probably have my own reasons- weird and creepy reasons,the kind of reasons you really don't want to know,or at least hope you will be able to forget quickly if i ever happens to tell. I don't even remember what day it was,or what month even that I've been on cold shoulder with my own biological mum.i just can't forgive her for never loving me the way i needed.Fuck yes,I'm being too critical. But whenever mum struck me,it was as if she were taking her aggressions out on a rag doll. I purposely hold in my tears,refusing to cry but can't stop wondering 'why me?'. these two little words have been on the tip of my tongue for most of my life. Today is one of those times i really mean it though. With all my heart,liver,kidneys,lungs - hell,my entire anatomy! Don't get me wrong,i love my mum- hey,i would kill for her. But I'm not into blind,unconditional devotion. I hate the way she persistently tries to run my life and make me live her stupid dreams. The further i ponder upon it,the more my grief compounded. Sometimes,it is just too much to bear. Oh well, happy families are all alike,every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Hais, I'm terribly upset. The best part of it all is,I'm not totally affected by it. I have to continue doing the things I've planned to achieve. Recently,i got a perfect score for my BTE and i can't wait to clear my BTT so that i can get my hands on that steering wheel. I'm now hoping for only the best. Last but not least,I'm truly sorry Mel for not attending your daughter's birthday party. Please do extend my warm wishes to her alright.

Happy Birthday Dear Claire (:

& of course, i love you Baby.